Rocco Zamboni’s News Briefs January 12, 2024

In recent news, Aaron Rogers has been a complete bagadouche by insinuating that my good friend, Jimmy Kimmel, was a pedophile and would be on the list. He was not. Kimmel exclaimed, “Like the Jets needed something else to make them look bad”.

Jimmy Kimmel and Aaron Rodgers

Speaking of the Epstein client list, there was the shocking discovery that Rocco Zamboni was also not on the list. In his response, Mr. Zamboni was stated as saying, “I missed my flight,”

MyPillow chief executive and prominent election denier Mike Lindell said Friday that Fox News has stopped running his company’s commercials.

My Pillow founder Mike Lindell

Fox stated that its because he hasn’t paid his bills in which Lindell responded by saying, “They just want to silence me”. Hey Mike, we all want to silence you.

Fox News media logo

McDonalds just announced it will be bringing back its Double Big Mac for a returning menu item. That’s right: the Double Big Mac, with its four burger patties, is back after a four-year hiatus, but the fucking McRib is still nowhere to be found.

The Double Big Mac

Donald Trump has cancelled 3 out of 4 planned campaign events in Iowa because of weather conditions. Upon hearing about the record amounts of snow expected, Don Jr. was heard to exclaim, “HOLY CRAP I’LL BE THERE, I’LL BE THERE, I’LL BE THERE” as he jumped out a window with his spoon in his hand.

Donald Trump Jr. looking strung out.

And that’s this week’s News Briefs.

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Rusty Peen’s News Briefs January 21, 2024

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Duane Scott Cerny’s News Briefs January 7, 2024